Ouran for Dummies
by mcangel1976
Summary: 30 Rules and Lessons, and some thoughts about OHSHC. This is a collaboration between Cyra Hafise and mcangel1976. Enjoy! ******Discontinued here. Please see CyraAngel for story and updates.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer... We don't own Ouran or its characters, but this is just for fun anyway. LOL. _**

**_Ouran for Dummies – This is a list of Lessons/Rules and thoughts the authors have compiled to guide you through your Ouran journey. This is all done in good humor and is in no way intended to bash anyone's favorite ship/pairing. It is purely for entertainment and fun. We hope you enjoy. (This is a collaboration between mcangel1976 and Cyra Hafise)_**

**The Lessons/Rules:**

1. Ouran's Host Club is not full of gay men… well maybe Tamaki.

It is acceptable to write yaoi pairings though, just note that it is only because in FF anything is possible and it is not the truth.

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2. Everyone in the Host Club is actually smart and has a brain (yes, even Tamaki although he doesn't always act like it). They also know how to use their brains to think for themselves.

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3. No the twins really aren't incestuous (please refer to the addendum on #1)

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4. Yes, Kyoya does know everything, so please do not bother to try and hide anything. Yes, he really can send you out of the country if he wanted to and he does have an army at his disposal.

Kyoya is not evil unless you cross him, and then let's face it… you have it coming.

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5. Honey is not 5 and does not always act as such. It is an act for the club and he is #1 in his class academically in addition to being a top martial arts expert. He can take you down if you cross him, one of his friends, or do something to Usa-Chan. Just because Honey is small and sweet does not mean he needs looking after. He does not force anyone to do anything or to be at his beck and call. Unless of course you cross him, then you are on your own.

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6. Takashi Morinozuka aka "Mori" is not a robot. He is a loyal caring man who enjoys helping his small cousin even if he doesn't need it.

The following addendums are for #5 and #6

i. They help each other because they care and are best friends and family. Family supports and looks after each other.

ii. They can and do get along fine without each other and are not up each other's butts 24/7. They have their own lives away from each other (i.e. Mori and kendo).

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7. Haruhi is dense only when it comes to love. This does not mean she does not have feelings and cannot read other emotions coming from people, or that she cannot read people accurately. It is only when they have strong feelings that surpass friendship that she misses it completely.

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8. Not all Otaku are as crazy as Renge. She is special.

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9. No… you **CANNOT** kiss the hosts. They are not your boyfriends. They are hosts and ergo it is fake and make-believe. (But we understand and are right there with you)

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10. Mori can talk and does so quite often, but only when he can get in a word edgewise and/or when he has something important to say. Thus you should heed his words and listen to him very carefully. Probably more so than the others because he does not spout nonsense like Tamaki and the twins.

You wouldn't talk a lot either if you had to deal with Tamaki and the twins. Mori knows it's useless to try talking around them so he only does it when absolutely necessary.

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11. Always… **ALWAYS** double check what the twins tell you. They will play jokes on you when they are bored and nobody is safe from them.

It is a good idea to **ALWAYS** double check your sources (i.e. Kyoya… he is the best out there).

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12. Don't ever give in to Tamaki's tantrums. He is delusional and doesn't need encouraging. It is hard… we know and understand, but your best option is to just ignore him.

If you need to call in reinforcements.

i. Best option: Kyoya

Reason must be deemed worthy enough of his time and provide ample merit. If reason does not or he is too busy… go with 2nd best.

ii. Second best: Haruhi

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13. Just because Kyoya says he is busy, doesn't mean he is. He needs encouragement and to find merit in whatever he does.

Do not be fooled by his gruff exterior and Shadow King ways… he goes for both tangible and intangible merits (for example please refer to Kyoya's Reluctant Day Out).

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14. No matter how many times Tamaki may insist and call for "Mommy's" help, Haruhi is not his daughter.

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15. No matter how often Tamaki insists on calling Kyoya "Mommy", Kyoya is not a girl and cannot bear children.

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16. Tamaki, no matter how nice and gentlemanly he is… is still a pervert.

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17. The twins are perverts too and will use their fashion knowledge as a way of trying to look at, touch, etc. Haruhi more than the others.

This addendum is for both #16 and #17…

i. The only real gentleman besides Kyoya, Honey, and Mori is Kasanoda.

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18. Usa-Chan is also a member of the Host Club and not just a stuffed rabbit. **DO NOT** disrespect the bunny.

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19. Do not be mistaken, Haruhi is in fact a girl. So I do apologize ladies, but please stop throwing yourselves at her. It won't work for many reasons.

Sorry Renge she is a girl and is not into a relationship with you. She may look like a boy, but that is because she really doesn't care about her looks and has a debt to repay.

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20. Although Kyoya may show some feeling periodically, he does not how it on a normal basis. It is a rare occurrence and only for those special few people. Usually only happens in a one on one setting.

He will **not** share his feelings with his father or family members. The only exception to the rule is Fuyumi, his sister.

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21. Never mess with Haruhi. You will have two very skilled martial artists after you in no time flat.

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22. If somehow you get past Hunny and Mori, you will have to deal with Kyoya. (Please refer to #4). He does count Haruhi as a friend, and he protects his friends.

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23. You better hope you don't get past Kyoya and his Black Onion Squad because we can guarantee that Mori and Hunny will be back and you don't want to deal with "Dark/Black Honey".

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24. Never think you can put one over on the Host Club, they will always find out. Just ask the Newspaper Club.

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25. Do not listen to Tamaki. He doesn't know everything and knows even less about commoners and what it really means to be one.

Tamaki is only good for producing mushroom related foods.

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26. Satoshi and Chika are their own people.

They both respect their brothers; it is just that Chika has issues with cake and cute things, and admitting he likes a few cute things too.

Satoshi is shinai crazy when it comes to Chika, but he usually feels he has just cause.

They have a relationship similar to Mori and Honey.

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27. Hikaru is the older less mature twin. Kaoru is the younger more mature twin that tries to cover for his brother and helps him to grow/broaden past his little world.

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28. One should respect the author and creator of Ouran High School Host Club and her choice of romantic interest for Haruhi.

It is perfectly acceptable to ship a different pairing.

(see thoughts section for authors' theory on this)

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29. Contrary to popular belief (mainly theirs), the girls at Lobelia are actually worse than Tamaki and the twins, but they do possess similar characteristics and tactics.

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30. Haruhi's father, Ranka, may be a cross dresser, but don't let that fool you… he will tear you to shreds if you touch or hurt his little girl.

As for Tamaki, he does it for the sheer pleasure.

**Thoughts:**

Have you ever wondered what Kyoya does all day on his computer? Our theory is that he writes fan fiction and is the creator of the Haruhi/Kyoya ship.

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The reason Haruhi ended up with Tamaki is because the Shadow King forced the author to write it that way. In reality it is either one of two options…

Kyoya is with Haruhi and felt bad for stealing her from his best friend. Thus in order to placate Tamaki in some way, he made the author write Haruhi with Tamaki in the end.

Mori is with Haruhi and wanted to be in the background so that he could continue to protect her and not have to deal with an overabundant number of fangirls. Putting all of the limelight on Tamaki, allows him to watch over her and not get distracted. Kyoya helped him with this problem and forced the author to write her with Tamaki.

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Have you ever wondered why Tamaki calls Mori and Honey neighbors? Think about it… the twins are sons, Haruhi is the daughter, and Kyoya is Mommy. Why are Mori and Hunny neighbors? We have a theory…

First let's point out that they could be uncles or cousins, or some other family member, but they aren't. He specifically calls them neighbors.

They are labeled more as outcasts than family.

We believe Tamaki sees them more as serious competition for Haruhi's heart. He was threatened by them and realized that they truly were not part of the "homosexual supporting cast".

The others are family and therefore not true contenders for her hand.


	2. AN Please read story moving

Sorry everyone, but this is not a chapter. Cyra Hafise and I decided that we would create an author name that could use for our combined work since we were warned that we could be penalized for posting the same story under each of our normal ids. Please look for CyraAngel... that will be where you can continue to read our story Revenge and Ouran for Dummies. We have some more ideas for a second chapter of Ouran for Dummies, so please look for that soon under CyraAngel. The new chapter of Revenge will be up next week under the new name... Revenge #2 Haruhi/Mori pairing.

Thank you everyone!

mcangel1976


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